wtf is this shit?
by Fred and George Weasley Twins
Summary: This is what happens when you give two Fairy Tail boys access to Fanfiction . net. Gray and Natsu bromance... ish. Get's a little Gratsu-ish at the end. (T for strong language and themes)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Idek... 3 am... I was talking about gratsu to my friend she asked what would happen if they found it. this was born. wtf. ok. right. _read if you must_**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail, nor do I own it's characters. I don't own 'Hide and Peek' either, it is by Wild Rhov, highly recommended if you ship gratsu (It is an M rated fic, mature content, yaoi)**

 **So yeah...**

* * *

It was a pretty normal day.

Natsu was sat at home with this laptop thingy Mira gave him. He was 'scrollin the net' on some weirdo website called Fanfiction where loosers with no life (like Lucy) post all sorts of crap about TV show, books, and, you guessed it, _real people._

"So, douchedick, what the hell are you doing?" Gray sauntered into Natsu's front room in nothing but his boxers.

"Shut the fuck up ice princess, I'm checking out this new fanfiction thing Mira wanted me to check out, apparently Lucy writes stuff on here." He frowned, "And what the fuck are you doing in my house?"

He was ignored.

"Wow, wait a sec, is that our Guild name?" Gray shoved a greasy finger at Natsu's pristine screen.

A loud shriek erupted through the house. Outside a startled bird fell off a branch and threw itself into the sky and away from the offending noise. That poor, _poor_ innocent bird.

"What the fuck was that, ass-flame!?"

" _Don't touch the screen you uncultured swine."_ Yeah, _never_ touch new stuff that Natsu had just received, you'll probably loose a finger or a boob or something, "Huh, it is!"

Gray then proceeded to smack his head against the table. So, after scrolling and reading fanfics for like 10 hours the two finally paused to comment.

"Wow, stop." Gray reached for the mouse.

"gET THE FUCK OFF MICHELLE ICE-DICK."

"Okay, I don't know what's worse, the ringing in my ears or the fact that you named _your mouse."_

"Wait, what are you doing- _why is your hand on my hand._ " Natsu stared vehemently at the icy hand covering his. If he focused really, _really_ , hard, Natsu bet he could've set Gray's hand on fire. (But ya know, that takes effort, and brain cells... neither of which Natsu really cared to use.)

" _Get the fuck off my hand before I KO you."_

"SHUT UP FLAME-FACE." Gray screamed.

"WHAT THE HELL, GET OFF YOU PERVY STRIPPER!"

"Shut your mouth for 5 seconds you piece of shit and look at this." Gray, having clicked the link by now, grabbed hold of Natsu's head ( _no_ he did _not_ note how surprisingly soft his hair was... shut up)

"What," Natsu growled, "am I looking at?

"What the fuck is 'Gratsu'." Gray, again jabbed the screen, earning and ignoring a pained howl from Natsu, "There."

"What-su?" He was promptly karate chopped on the head.

"Gratsu you shit-head." Gray corrected, the ever practical one.

"DON'T CALL ME A SHIT HEAD, ASSWIPE." Natsu bellowed, grabbing around behind him in an attempt (key word: attempt) to cause the black haired douche some hindrance.

"Shut up and read, bastard." Gray sneered, earning a half-assed punch to the gut.

"Don't order me around."

"Just do it you lazy ass fire breath!"

There was a pause. A truly blissful pause, in which, Gray believed, for a moment, that Natsu had done what he'd asked and was reading. His dreams were royally crushed, however, 2.5 seconds later.

"Fine, jeez, don't get your dick in a twist." Yep, that was the sound of his dreams being crushed.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Gray began to read. He read for about half a minute before questioning, "Dude, is this about you and me?"

"Yeah... I think it is." Natsu scowled in concentration.

 _Ahh,_ thought Gray, _The male dragon-ass, concentrating in it's natural habitat. A true wonder and rarity._

He glanced back at the screen, "Bitch you just punched- oh, nah it's ok, I owned you."

"NO WAY I OWNED YOU!" Natsu screeched.

"Surreeee." Gray rolled his eyes and flipped his hair, "You and who's army?" His question was followed by a smug silence, "That's what I thought."

They, again, sat in silence, the only sound in the room was shallow breathing and the monotones whirring of the laptop. As eyes travelled the words on the screen, Gray leant closer to Natsu, so close - in fact - that if he had wanted to, he could've leant his head sideways just a tad and be resting his head on Natsu's shoulder... Not that he thought that. _Obviously_.

"Wait..." Gray frowned, re-reading the last paragragh he'd just read.

"What the?" Natsu seemed just as horrified.

"Holy-,"

"WHAT THE CHEDDER BISCUITS DID I JUST READ!?"

"Chedder- never mind, wHAT IN HOLY HELL. DID YOU JUST KISS ME!?"

"Nah, I'm pretty sure you kissed me." Natsu frowned defensively. The defensive little prick he was.

"No, scroll up. You kissed me." Gray stated.

"Tch, did not."

"Did you seriously just say 'Tch'?" Natsu answered with a flipping off. Well fuck him then!

Gray snorted, "No look, 'Natsu's eyes smouldered with a heated gaze as he shoved Gray up against the Guild wall' hold the phone, you did this in the Guild? And you call me an exhibitionist 'leaning forward to sneer out, "Shut the hell up, you Ice Bastard." And before Gray could so much as utter a word back, Natsu yanked his chin up, smashing their lips together.' See, _you_ kissed _me_."

Gray gave his ever most cocky 'I'm-a-bastard' face, as Natsu had named it (He was fucking _skills_ at naming shit. Like his cat. Happy. That's a pretty sick name), earning nothing more than a silence and a weirded out look from Natsu.

"How the hell did you say that so casually?" He questioned, "And why the fuck would I ever kiss you?"

Gray scoffed, flipping his hair (what was with that?) "Cause I'm a sexy ass beast that's why."

"Whatever."

A few minutes of silence followed.

They looked at each other, then away.

...

They looked at each other again, seemingly at war with their minds.

...

 ** _"EW NO WAY WOULD I KISS YOU!"_ **

* * *

On the other side of Magnolia, Lucy, after having a nice, long, relaxing bath, was sat at her desk. New laptop out and read to write. No Natsu to steal her bed, no Gray to sleep in her bathtub, No Erza to scavenge through her underwear draw and no Happy to call her fat and ugly.

This was the life.

After a few moments of staring at a blinking curser, Lucy groaned, _way too quiet!_

 _"EW NO WAY WOULD I KISS YOU!"_

On second thoughts, quiet was nice.

* * *

They sat in complete shock for a few minutes. Natsu exited the story and scrolled up to the filters section of the page, "You... Wanna read more?" He questioned uncertainly, now _there's_ something you don't see everyday. An uncertain Natsu.

"NOPE." Gray was obviously _lying_ , "Never again."

"Pfft, me _either_." Natsu gave a nervous giggle-like snort, "Like that was seriously _messed up_."

"Yep." Gray nodded, "Some messed up shit."

...

"You know it couldn't _hurt_." Gray reasoned, "I mean, it's not like it's _actually_ us..."

"No way." Natsu agreed.

"So it's not weird. Right?"

"Right."

"Cool."

"Yep."

"My neck hurts." Natsu raised an eyebrow.

"Sucks to be you?"

Gray snarled slightly, " _That was a hint idiot_."

"A hint at what? Did you get bitten by a vampire or something?" The pink haired numskull seemed interested now.

"Yeah. I got bitten by a - _NO YOU FUCKING MORON_ _, I'M UNCOMFORTABLE_."

"DON'T YELL AT ME!" Natsu yelled, Gray just glared at him, "Well what do you want me to do about your neck? Give you a massage?"

"No dumbass-," He cut himself off and pinched the bridge of his nose. He could already _feel_ the migraine. With a sigh he stood from his stooped position and trudged to the kitchen, "You look for another one." He ordered grabbing a chair.

Natsu fiddled around with the filters before asking, "What does M rated mean?"

"Don't know, don't care, just click it and see what happens." Gray muttered, plopping down in his newly acquired seat.

He was extremely proud of acquiring his new seat, mind you, so he sang himself a happy song in his head.

Natsu shrugged, and obviously being the shoot-first-ask-questions-later kind of guy he was, just clicked it. They scrolled through the various stories, nothing really catching their eye when Gray stopped Natsu's scrolling, "What about this one? Hide and Peek? Looks like it has a lot of reviews, it must be good."

"Don't you want to read the su-," Gray leapt forward and clicked the link, "Or ya know, completely ignore me, that's fine- _ya dick_."

"Shut up and read, douche bag." Gray sneered, scrolling past the author's note and straight to the story.

Again, they sat quietly reading, eyes focused on the words as they battled to read faster then the other. Then... The story started getting weird...

" _WHY ARE YOU ERECT!"_ Real Natsu quoted the fake Natsu from the story, sliding his chair back and pointing at the screen.

"I don't know idiot, but I'm reading too! _No need to yell your dick off_." They both took a deep breath and carried on reading.

It was only a few minutes later that Gray blushed like a girl, screamed like a girl, and fell backwards off his chair. Once we was firmly on the ground, he scrambled further away from the offending device and pointed, gaping fruitlessly at it for about half a minute as Natsu read on, seemingly intrigued.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY TO YOU AND WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY BACK!?" He finally screamed.

Natsu hummed, giving a contemplative look at the screen, "Well, to set the scene, looks like we were runnin' from the cops for fightin' outside the guild again we hid in an alleyway, you need to pee, but are also, somehow, erect and I said: "You're choking it. You'll never come that way. You need to do it softer. I'm not gonna peek, just think of something... erotic." Then you said some shit about you bladder, blah blah, blah! Then I grabbed your dick said, "Never speak of this" and I pretty much jerked you off."

"No Natsu, further down. The 'Talk dirty to me' crap." He swallowed nervously, giving a truly horrified look "The whole _you actually talking dirty_ business."

"Hey, it's not real." He merely shrugged and carried on reading, "It's actually kinda gripping, I wanna find out what happens."

Gray stared incredulously at the other boy, " _How are you not disturbed by this?_ "

Natsu turned, a sly grin etched on his face as he looked Gray up and down, eyes darkening as he muttered lowly, "Maybe 'cause I kinda like the idea."

Then he winked.

Honest to God it was the hottest wink Gray had ever received and he was honestly not sure whether Natsu was going to eat him or... well _eat_ him. If you caught his drift. (Somewhere deep _deep_ \- not so deep - inside of him, he preferred the latter version of 'eat')

"Hey, Gray." His head jerked up, and so did _something else_. Why the hell did he suddenly sound so husky and... _sexy?_ (Down dick, _down_ , he thought to his lower regions.

His lower regions ignored him.

Well fuck you too, little Gray)

"Yeah?" He attempted to put on a scowl, "What ass-flame?"

"Are you hungry?"

"Um... Kinda, I guess, I haven't eaten since lunch." Gray shrugged, stiffening as Natsu stood, towering over his floored form.

Oh _crap_.

"Good. Cause I'm really _craving_ ," He smirked (what a fucking smirk it was), " _Ice cream_."

* * *

Somewhere by a random lake, Erza and Jellal were having a picnic. Erza suddenly froze, forkful of strawberry cake halfway to her mouth. Her head snapped toward Magnolia.

"Erza is something wrong?" Jellal questioned.

"My yaoi senses are tingling."

"What?" His eyebrows furrowed.

Erza snapped out of her trance and smirked, "Maybe you should ask your fiancée."

 _"For God's sake I said I was sorry!"_

* * *

 **A/N: Don't ask what the hell that was cause I have no clue.**

 **Um... Review? Maybe? no...**

 **Okie dokie then**


	2. Chapter 2: Bonus Chapter

It was a normal Wednesday afternoon for Fairy Tail, Lucy and Levy were chatting about the newest movements on the blonde's novel, Gajeel was singing jazz on the stage, everyone was throwing stuff at Gajeel, Mira was laughing as she handed out drinks and Gray and Natsu were butting heads.

"Take that back, Flame-brain!" Gray sneered, eyes narrowed and fists ready to fight.

"Pfft, like you've ever kissed a girl!" Natsu snarled back, "They run like the hills when they see your perverted face!"

"How can a face be perverted, that doesn't make sense!" The Ice Mage growled, "Besides, it's not like _you've_ ever kissed a girl. Have you?"

"So what if I have or haven't?" The pink haired teen rolled his eyes, "It's none of your business, Droopy eyes!"

Gray smirked, "Yeah but you didn't answer my question, which means you're avoiding it!" His smirk got wider as he taunted, "Hey everyone! Natsu's never kissed a girl!"

Nostrils flaring and eyes narrowed Natsu could barely hold back his roar of, "Yeah well what if I don't want to kiss a _girl!?"_ before it slipped out. The entire guild silenced, even Gajeel stopped singing.

"What the hell do you mean, Ash for brains?" Gray frowned slightly, "What are you into guys?" Natsu swallowed thickly, already aware of the whispers around him, when suddenly Gray began to laugh, "Oh _shit!_ This is too good! I always knew you walked on the other side of the street, especially with hair like that!"

At that he lost it; Natsu's eyes smouldered with a heated gaze as he shoved Gray up against the Guild wall, "Shut the hell up, you Ice bastard!" And before Gray could so much as utter another word, Natsu yanked his chin up, smashing their lips together. His heart raced with unease, would Gray hate him for this? After a split second of thought, he came to the conclusion that he didn't care. What was done was done and consequences came after.

The occupants of the Guild gave a collective gasp, eyes wide and jaws dropped as they watched the two usually bickering mages. One of Natsu's hands held Gray's chin in place, the other caged him into the stone wall, fingers fisted and slammed directly above Gray's head.

At first Gray struggled, his head jerked, he attempted to shove the Dragon Slayer off of him, however Natsu stood rigidly in place. His clenched fist slowly dragged down the cold stone, loosening as it reached Gray's hair, fingers threading through the strands he tugged slightly, but as the hand came to Gray's neck the kiss was slowing in pace. His chest heaved, eyes closed, cheeks flared, and with a ragged breath he pulled away.

They stayed like that for a moment, then - like a young boy touching a hot pan - he leapt back, hand over his mouth in the horror and realisation of what he'd just done, "I - I... S- _shit!_ " He choked, "I shouldn't have... I just... _damn it!_ Shit! _Fuck!_ "

The onlookers jumped at Natsu's raged outburst, "Natsu, what-,"

" _Damn it!"_ He roared, fisting at his hair, "It's.. I-it's not _fair!_ Every minute of _every day_ you're there, in the back of my mind. In my head. And I just... _fuck!_ I can't get you _out!_ And I hate it. I _hate it_ because... you _hate me_."

"I don't..." Gray inhaled deeply, still dazed from the kiss. The taste of cinnamon and smell of a burnt out fire rested on his tongue and nose. He leant back against the wall to steady himself, "I don't _hate_ you-,"

"Shut up!" Natsu yelled, "Shut up! Just... Shut up..." His yells turned to begs, tears of anguish filled his eyes, "Don't say you don't hate me 'cause you're lying."

"I'm _not_ lying and I _don't_ hate you!" Gray snapped, "I don't hate you... You're just... You're confused right now, I get that-,"

"No. No, Gray, I'm _not_ confused." He took a testing step toward him, "I'm _sure_ -,"

"Don't." It was Gray who was pleading now. Minutes of silence ticked by and no one said a word, so with a short sigh, Natsu turned and walked away.

"Wait." Came a hoarse whisper, however Natsu ignored it and carried on toward the doors, "Wait!" Gray spoke again, this time a hint of demand in his voice. When that too was dismissed Gray gave a small growl and surged forward, grabbing Natsu by the hand and roughly yanking him back, "I said wait, bastard! I wasn't done talking!"

There was a dark look in Natsu's eye when he turned to look at Gray. He tore his arm from the Ice mage's grip, growling lowly, "Well I was. You're disgusted. I get it. You don't need to rub it in."

"Disgusted? What no I'm-,"

"There you go lying again!" Natsu snapped, "Stop! Just stop pitying me I don't need your- _Mmm!"_ His words were swallowed by Gray's lips, and slowly he eased into the kiss. One of Gray's pale hands came up to cup his face, however as soon as it skimmed the skin Natsu jerked away, breathless from confusion, "W-what?"

"I'm tryin'a figure something out." Gray breathed, cold puffs of air hitting Natsu's cheek and causing a rickshaw of shivers to roll down his spine, "So shut up and kiss me flame face."

Natsu barely had time to process what Gray had said before lips were on his again, his icy hands roamed Natsu's body - ' _Thank God,'_ Natsu briefly thought, _'that Wendy, Romeo, Carla and Happy are off on a job.'_ \- rubbing up his torso, combing through his hair, tracing his jawline - every touch, every caress, every tug sent sensual jolts through Natsu's body. He vaguely registered bashing into a table, however with one particularly low touch near his groin all thoughts of tables were lost with a low moan.

"Jesus fuck, make it _stop!_ " Someone - probably Gajeel - muttered, whispers loudened, bets were made, girls swooned and Mira practically fainted.

They kissed like they fought, fearlessly, ruthlessly, passionately, and Natsu _loved_ every second of it. He craved Gray's touch, so much so that he began to take dominance of the kiss, his tongue traced Gray's bottom lip and slowly, but surely he was given passage. Natsu's hands yanked fiercely on Gray's hair, pulling them closer together, fiery fingers drew across every muscle, every scar, every part of Gray's torso; running across his shoulders, down his arms, fiddling with his fingers for a moment. Now the Ice Mage rarely felt cold, but with every meet of Natsu's fingers with his skin, came a shiver and a rise of goose bumps.

Then Gray moaned.

Natsu could hardly control himself and without so much as a seconds warning he pulled from the kiss, lips darting to the Ice Mages neck and quickly biting down, sighing as the metallic tang splashed his tongue. Gray let out a surprised yelp, eyes snapping open from his high as he blearily searched for the source of pain.

"What the _hell_ , Natsu?" He snarled, brows furrowed as he brought his hand from his neck, eyes widening as he caught sight of the smeared blood on his fingers, "Did you just _bite_ me? You _did_. You just _bit_ me."

"S-sorry..." He gave a nervous chuckle, "Dragon Slayer thing."

"I don't care!" He craned his neck to attempt a look, "You just freakin' bit me!"

"Hey! I did it out of..." He trailed off scowling at what he had just been about to say.

"Did it out of what?" Gray inquired.

"..." Natsu's frown deepened, "It was your fault!"

"How was it my fault!?" The Ice Mage yelled, " _You_ bit _me!"_

"Because _you... you just..."_ He let out a frustrated growl, "You're smell and... and you _moaned_ and you just..."

"You moaned and you don't see me biting you!"

"Shut up!" The Dragon Slayer snapped, "You... You _affect_ me ok. I don't know why I bit you I just did."

"I can vouch for the whole 'it's a Dragon Slayer thing'." Levy growled bitterly, glaring at Gajeel.

" _What?"_ Lucy screeched, bug eyed and staring at her best friend.

"N-nothing! I said nothing!"

"Can you two get a room please? Preferably somewhere were I can't smell or hear ya." Gajeel grumbled, eyes narrow, "Just cause you two have decided to become Mates don't mean ya have to do it in the middle of the Guild hall."

"Shut up, Gajeel!" Natsu gnashed his teeth fiercely, "We haven't decided anything!"

"Really?" He snarled back, "'Cause, as he just said like a hundred times, you bit him, therefore markin' him and claimin' him!"

" _What?_ " Gray growled.

"Huh?" Natsu blinked.

"You made me your _M_ _ate?"_ No words could explain the incredulousness in his voice as he grabbed Natsu by the collar and shook him, "I- You just... That was... I... _I am a confused person and you made me your Mate!?_ What if I don't _want_ to be your 'Mate'!? What _is_ a Mate?"

"Well a Mate's a life partner that a Dragon, or Dragon Slayer takes to bond with and mate with." Natsu recited, the phrase having been drilled into is head from when he'd been living with Igneel, "Well that's what Igneel told me."

"What if said 'Mate' doesn't want to _be_ said 'Mate'?" Gray screeched.

"Salamander dies of a broken heart." Gajeel said, face completely straight and voice stoic. It was no joke.

"Natsu dies." Gray concluded, "Natsu _dies_ _?_ "

"Pfft." Natsu rolled his eyes, "I don't need you to survive. Do whatever you want."

Gajeel raised a pierced brow, "Gray tell him you hate him and you never want to see him again."

"What? No." Gray frowned.

"Just do it."

"Why should-," He was cut off with a stony glare.

" _Do. It._ "

"Natsu I hate you and I never want to see you again." He scowled. Natsu shrugged it off, however seconds after Gray had spoken a jolting jab struck at his heart, causing him to double over and claw at his chest, he growled in pain as he attempted to fight the feeling, "W-what's wrong with him?" Gray panicked, "H-hey, Bastard. Don't be such a wimp, Flame-face! I didn't mean it jeez."

Suddenly the pain subsided and Natsu righted himself. Breathlessly he turned to Gray, "Don't say that again, it hurt."

"Pfft... Wimp..."

"Shut up!" Natsu abruptly grabbed Gray's hand and yanked him out of the Guild.

"What the hell!? Get off Flame-breath!" Gray yelled, "Where are we going?"

"Your apartment." Natsu turned to flash a grin.

Gra~tsu

"So tell me." Gray began, subconsciously shrugging off his shirt as they walked into his apartment, "One, how the hell do you know where my apartment is?"

"Once when we had a fight I woke up before you and Mira asked me to bring you home." He shrugged, not noticing the almost predatory gleam in the Ice Make Mage's eye.

"Two, what were you going to say earlier, you bit me out of what?" Natsu followed him into his bed room and was suddenly slammed up against the wall.

With a snarl he gnashed out, "Not telling!"

"Oh, I think you will." Gray smirked, dark eyes flashing as he peppered kisses down Natsu's neck, licking, sucking, nibbling. Natsu was lost in a world of pleasure, every sensation new and heightened.

"O-okay." Gray pulled back, instantly noticing Natsu frown, "I was going to say that I did it out of love." Gray suddenly started to laugh, electing a growl from the other boy, "Shut up! It's not funny!"

"I-It's just-," Gray broke down into a fit of snorts. With a low snarl, Natsu snapped into action, he pushed Gray back, breaking his laughter, and threw him onto the bed. Holding him down by the shoulders, the Dragon Slayer glared darkly into he other teens eyes.

"Don't laugh at me." He gave a wry smile, "Or else."

Subconsciously, Gray licked his lips, "Or else what?"

That was Natsu's favourite challenge, with a predatory gleam in is eyes he surged forward, his lips colliding with Gray's. His hands trailed down the Ice Mage's bare chest, sharp nails scratching and electing a strangled moan from the other.

This was going to be a _fun_ night.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry guys, if you wanted lemon go to an M rated fic ;3 this lil bun is strictly T.**

 **I hope you enjoyed the bonus chapter to _wtf is this shit?_**

 **Please review!**


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